A short but really meaningful chat..

I met a friend on my way home from hall today. Hmm..someone whom I hadnt had a chance to really talk to for a very long time..I think the last time we talked to each other was like 2 years back or sth? He is someone whom I look up to and whom I think I have a lot to learn from. I can't rem what we talked about 2 years back, but he left a very deep impression on me and inspired me alot.

So we were catching up with each other's life on the bus. Like how;s life and stuff until hmm..he brought up the sensitive topic which he thought twice before asking me. Yup. I was surprised he still remembered what I told him the very last time I saw him.."finding it hard to swallow" the words he quoted from me. heh. And so I told him in brief how I am now cus I dunno what to say or how I would react if I tell him the WHOLE story then..he understood everything..of course. And I felt really honoured when he chose to confide in me his problems. Cus I didnt expect it as we are not really very close but I think the reason why he did was so he could get a female's opinion.

Once again, he taught me alot. I really enjoyed the conversation I had with him about relationships. I mean basically I think yes, I do share his sentiments and he is really a deep person. I dunno what is the word to describe this but there is this chinese word "nei4 han2" yes, he has this quality. You know, not shallow..but deep? arghh okie..

I know for the past month I have been telling everyone about this interesting classmate I know in school and getting so excited whenever I talk about it. Deep inside, I was trying very hard to use this subject to keep myself from thinking too much about the past which left a deep scar. Do not be fooled by my cheerful disposition upfront. I make it a point to SMILE everyday if possible and take each day in stride. I try very hard to replace my thoughts of the past with that of the present..yes, the idea of having this interesting classmate.

The foundation of friendship is very crucial for a relationship. Which I only just realised after the mistake. If not, after that you guys won;t even be friends for what is there to be in the first place when it was not even built. True. Even when he fits some of ur criteria on the outside, how can u be sure he is the one when you never tried to find out?

The idea of a relationship and its definition varies from individual. Some chose it just for companionship? huh? sounds ridiculous but I do know of some ppl from this category. He was telling me..about how some relationships are shallow. Like some people chose to get together cus they just like each other (physical appearance?) and that is it? Some get together cus they share the same interests? Some get together cus they find it easy to talk to each other? erm how am I suppose to put all these in words and get the idea across? That a relationship is mroe than all these? That there ought to exist this connection with each other to a certain level. I think I am really lousy in trying to put my thougts into words now. proper words so that everyone understands. You really need to know the other person well before u know if he or she is really the one. The connection, the intuition, the sense, the dunno what...that each feels for the other...that he/she will be able to sense how u feel at times and also there is this strong connection which could only be felt in each other's heart. YOu need not even have to say anything cus you can feel it. You know, the connection up to this level. Okie I think I really am lousy but yup..the idea is my definition of a relationship matches up with his. Same thinking. But why on earth did I embark on one when it never even matched up to any of my definitions and never even fit any of my "ideass" in the first place? Crap. Sounds like I killed myself. And I couldnt figure out why I am so moody lately but deep inside I know this could be the very source of it. Maybe cus I was inexperienced and didnt know how to handle it then but I learnt alot. And this friend of mine brought me back to my senses again and I am very thankful for that. Felt really helpless when I cannot be of much help to him..but at least I gave him a listening ear?

Having some really complex thoughts now which I cannot really write out in words. This friend is one of the very few and rare friends whom I can share my deep thoughts with and I really look up to him for his "nei4 han2"..a really deep person or rather complex one? and I think I am like him..deep and complex within..ho ho ho...maybe I should try to piece everything out nicely one by one and put my thoughts here..I really enjoyed the deep or I dunno how to describe conversation which really helped to sort out my thoughts and set me back on track again...even though I crap alot when I am with ppl however when I am alone hmm I think alot...and am looking to share my thoughts with the appropriate company...hmmm...shrugs..

tired of everything...I think I am enjoying the break which I am having now...till the REAL break after exams...=)