thoughts that crossed my mind..

Let there be a beautiful sunrise like this tomorrow! I love sunrise! Love it! Love it to the max! However these days down with flu and anxiety, I havent been waking up as early as I hope. Alarms do not work on me these days. 1 loud Meiko Quartz alarm clock courtesy from my dearest mum plus 3 sets of alarm from my mobile simply do not work on me these days. Either I am too lazy, I am really sick or I am just trying to escape from reality. I vote for all! haha.

I love photos and pictures of nature, of sunrise, sunset, clouds, sky, grasslands, forest, mountains and etc. They never fail to soothe the uneasiness inside myself. I often turn to them when I am down and vexed, troubled, stressed and simply just not in the mood for anything. They never fail to cheer me up. I guess I am in love with nature. I love the peace and quietness that the pictures exude. Often I dream of being a solo traveller, exploring what Mother Nature has for us, exploring many unique places and experiencing serenity. After which, I will start to get to know all the different people who reside in these places, their way of living, their cultures and experiences. Still, I am searching for the most ideal and most economical way to realise this dream. I know I will surely have so much more to learn from them and I really can;t wait to learn from them. Come to think of it, I dont mind trying farming. It would be a totally different experience.

Many thoughts crossed my mind these days. Come to think of it, well, maybe it's more of like recently or so. Or a prolonged period. I admit I do think alot, of which many consist of pure imagination or oh well, do I think I tend to analyse too much into a certain situation and would often come out with all the worst case scenarios and such. Maybe. this is a bad sign of a pessimist. wakey up you kan chiong spider pessismistic sleepy sickly one. Sometimes I realised I spent too much time thinking of unnecessary things hence adding to unnecessary anxiety or even worse, exaggerations of the worst premonition or wahtsoever. haha. What am I doign these days man. thinking and thinking and wasting time! Often it is during the exam period that my mind will often wonder.For its when I have time to really SIT down and study and then sometimes I will drift and digress after a few hours and start to think about life and such. Whoa..say hello to a philosopher in the making. Hmm I have so much more to say. But its being to sound so boring.

And guess I am now once again, guilty of digressing, and wasting precious time of my revision which would probably cost alot! alot of unnecessary panic attacks in the near future. omg. And I managed to crack one secret of a friend by trying to decipher his nick and it turned out I am right. haha. I am so proud of myself and I dont dare to ask him cause I am not like so so close to him. Miss busybody found out that this shy guy, but really a very nice guy, I think he is the most good-natured and almost near perfect guy I have ever met except that he is just too shy, has finally found his love! aww man..so sweet cause I know he has been waiting for love fairies to hit on him for so long and I know he is such a nice guy and yes he truly deserves it! Man am I happy and glad for him. How sweeeeet. you have my blessings...but you probably still doesnt know I have cracked ur secret yet. grinning from ear to ear and beaming with pride. think I am nuts.

Anyway its kind of a pretty sour feeling here after it sunk on me that I probably wouldnt be able to get the desired kind of final results that I really want after looking at the atrocious past records so much so I am so ashamed of myself and I think its kind of late to think back and then cry over spilt milk and reproaching of oneself now is pretty pointless. But I do have something set in mind. =)

I read it before and I found it again today.

" When your determination changes, everything will begin to move in the direction you desire. The moment you resolve to be victorious, every nerve and fiber of your being will immediately orient itself towards your success. On the other hand, if you think, "This is never going to work out," then at that instant, every cell in your being will be deflated and give up the fight. Then everythign will really move in the direction of failure." Daisaku Ikeda