Reaching the crossroads..

These days I hardly had a peaceful time, peaceful mind and all sorts. These days have been spent carrying out the arduous task. Indeed I am looking for an avenue to vent all the frustrations boiling inside my inner self. As of yesterday, I kind of knew I had reached the limit. The peak at which I can hold all these has been reached. Repeating experiments after experiments after every disappointment is really very tiring. Sometimes even before I could even carry out the expt, the stuff broke. Well they were really a test of how long I could hold my patience, my willpower, my strength, my determination etc. And it was then that I realised that because I had gone through all the trouble preparing the stuff that I really really cherished the specimens. Everyone of them. As though they were all very dear to me. But actually yes, they are in every way! If you were to ask me what I have learnt all these days, the past few weeks, I will tell u, everything was not confined to experimental results, findings etc. Instead, there were many lessons. Examples include the art of communication- socialising (with the technicians so they can make things easier?) and not forgetting having to hold or trying to hold an intellect conversation with a wizard. Patience- a virtue. Strengthening of one's willpower and determination. Tolerance.

I was just thinking whether it was blessing to have a prof who is so concerned with my work, constantly checking on my progress and equally enthusiastic as I am about the work. (sorry for now my enthusiasm has subsided.) Or whether it would be better to have one who doesnt really check on my every now and then but instead leave me on my own. Well, its very obvious if you were to read what I have jsut written. If I were to left alone, it is really a gamble on whether I can survive without any guidance. But then again, if you were to check on me every week, well.. I can hardly breathe either. And what makes it worst is to have yet another prof. Guess its a dilemma. And once again, I am torn between two worlds.

When the days are as gloomy as today, pessimistic thoughts ran through the distressed mind. And then comparison would be made between the life now and the life of another, which may be better and less rocky. Comparing with someone who is luckier, happier and more carefree. But then again, are not all these subjective to each individual? The notion of happiness varies from every individual. It would definitely be shallow to judge things at face value. An individual may protrays a positive outlook and a cheerful disposition on the surface, yet again, how can we be sure that he or she is really happy deep within? How can we be sure that he or she does not have any worries or troubles? for all may be just but a facade. Perhaps they are just choosing to stay positive, and seeing things from the positive light. All in all, it all boils down to one's perception of the whole situation. Perhaps it is time to change the idea of happiness. Time to adjust to the current circumstances. Time to lower expectations. Time to take control of the whole situation, instead of letting the situation take control of oneself.

They often ask given a glass half-filled with water, do you see that as half-filled or half empty?
Are you contented with all that you have now or do you wish for more? And once again, it all brings us to one conclusion, that life is a choice and it all lies in how we perceive things. Choice theory.

And someone said that no matter what, you still have a choice, that is choosing to make that 'no choice' decision. When you say you have no choice but to do something...you are still making the choice of doing that something.

Reaching the crossroads is always a dilemma. Any decisions have to be brought through serious thoughts and advice. And the process of going through all those may be an uphill task.

Trying to seek solitude. Given a chance, one will not hesitate to leave this place for a peaceful environment. To breathe some fresh air, to enjoy isolation and the company of nature. Indeed, a break should be taken. In this case, its a desire and a secret wish to seek solitude. Now I think again, maybe a short break should come soon. Dread saying this, as much as how I refuse to believe this, I...may be tired. Seriously, tired! The inner self is trying to break free.

High time to change everything. To change the mindset. To get things right, or at least, as "right" as possible.